Bridging Polyvagal Theory & IFS: A Path to Deeper Embodied Healing
When working with clients on self-worth, relationships, and unconscious patterns that keep them stuck in frustrating dynamics, I integrate two frameworks: Polyvagal Theory and Internal Family Systems (IFS)/parts work. While they come from different traditions—one rooted in neuroscience, the other in psychotherapy—they work beautifully together to help us understand why we get triggered, why we shut down, and how we can rebuild the inner safety to be able to access and restore connection.
Polyvagal Theory: The Nervous System as Our Foundation
Polyvagal Theory, developed by Dr. Stephen Porges, helps us understand how our nervous system responds to safety and threat. At its core, it describes three states:
Ventral Vagal (Connection & Safety) – When we feel safe, open, and socially engaged. This is where we experience intimacy, creativity, and the ability to regulate our emotions. It’s also the state in which we can access compassion, both to ourselves and others.
Sympathetic (Fight or Flight) – When we sense danger, our body moves into action—mobilizing us to protect ourselves, e.g., argue, run away, get defensive, or take control.
Dorsal Vagal (Shut Down & Freeze) – When something feels too overwhelming or hopeless, our system collapses into shutdown, numbness, disconnection, or dissociation.
Rather than being conscious choices, these shifts happen automatically based on our past experiences and how our nervous system has learned to protect us.
Internal Family Systems (IFS) & Parts Work: Meeting the Inner Cast of Characters
IFS, developed by Dick Schwartz, teaches us that we are all made up of different parts—inner aspects of ourselves that hold emotions, beliefs, and coping mechanisms from our past.
Exiles are wounded parts that carry pain, shame, fear, or grief. They are often hidden away because their emotions feel overwhelming.
Protectors step in to keep us from feeling the pain of the exiles. These show up as perfectionism, people-pleasing, numbing, self-criticism, or defensiveness.
Firefighters react intensely when pain gets triggered, often leading to impulsive behaviors, emotional outbursts, or shutting down.
At our core, though, we have Self—the calm, compassionate presence within us that can hold and heal our parts.
How These Two Frameworks Work Together
What’s fascinating is that IFS gives us a way to work with our nervous system responses in a deeply compassionate way. Instead of seeing fight/flight or shutdown as problems, we can recognize them as protectors doing their best to keep us safe.
For example, if a client feels deeply triggered in their relationship—shutting down during conflict or feeling the urge to run away/withdraw—Polyvagal Theory helps us see this as a nervous system response. And IFS allows us to explore: What part of you is needing protection right now? What past wound might be getting activated?
By working with both, we can:
Track the nervous system’s responses (Are we in ventral vagal, sympathetic, or dorsal?)
Identify which parts are active (Is a protector stepping in? Is an exile’s pain bubbling up?)
Bring in Self-energy to create more regulation, connection, and choice.
Bringing This Into My Coaching Work
With clients, I use these approaches to help them:
Recognize their nervous system patterns – Understanding how their body responds to stress helps them feel less shame and more self-compassion.
Meet their protective parts with curiosity – Instead of fighting against anxiety, avoidance, or self-criticism, we can acknowledge these as protective strategies that once served them in order to shift them.
Create internal safety – Through breathwork, co-regulation, visualization, and somatic awareness, we help their system shift toward connection and regulation.
Rebuild the relationship with Self – Healing happens when clients can hold their parts from a place of Self-energy—offering reassurance instead of reacting from fear.
Ultimately, Polyvagal Theory helps us understand our body’s reactions, and IFS helps us engage with them in a compassionate, healing way. When used together, they create a roadmap for moving from reactivity to deep self-connection—allowing clients to show up more fully in their lives and relationships.
