Why We Attract the Same Dating Experience Over & Over Again
Have you ever found yourself thinking, “Why does this keep happening?”
You’re dating someone new, it feels different at first—hopeful even—but a few weeks or months in, the same patterns start to show up. You’re giving more than you’re receiving. You’re anxious and overthinking. You’re shapeshifting to fit someone else. Or maybe you’re pulling away, feeling overwhelmed the second things start to get more serious.
It can feel incredibly frustrating and disheartening. But there’s good news: you’re not broken. You’re not “bad at love.” And you’re definitely not cursed. There’s no arbitrary reason why everyone else in the world can find and maintain love except for you. You’re just playing out an old pattern that your nervous system knows like a well-worn path.
When we attract the same dating experience again and again, it’s rarely a coincidence. It’s usually a sign that something deeper—something unconscious—is at play. Most often, we’re trying to resolve unfinished business from childhood or our past. We’re seeking out what’s familiar, even if it’s painful, in the hope that this time it might go differently.
Maybe you had to work hard for love growing up. Or you felt responsible for someone else’s emotions. Or you learned to ignore your needs to keep the peace. These early experiences shape the blueprint for how we relate to others later on, especially our romantic interests/partners. And unless we consciously work with that blueprint, we’ll keep ending up in relationships that confirm what we already (unconsciously) believe about ourselves: that we’re too much, not enough, unlovable, or destined to be abandoned, rejected, or alone.
The good news? Patterns repeat because they’re asking to be seen. Your psyche is yearning for a corrective emotional experience to heal and resolve the difficult experiences of your past.
Bringing awareness to the why behind your patterns is the first step toward change. When you start noticing what your system is drawn to—and how it responds in moments of fear, intimacy, or uncertainty—you begin to shift from reactivity and autopilot to choice.
This is where the real magic happens. Not by changing your profile bio or getting better at texting. But by getting curious about your triggers, tending to your inner child parts, and reconnecting to the version of you that feels safe, worthy, and whole—no matter who’s sitting across from you.
Because when your relationship with yourself begins to change, your experience in love does too.
If you’re ready to stop repeating the same patterns and start building relationships that actually feel good, I’d love to support you.
I work with women who feel stuck in dating, disconnected from their worth, or unsure how to break free from old cycles and dating patterns. Together, we’ll get to the root of what’s happening, so you can start showing up with clarity, confidence, and self-trust.
→ Click here to learn more about coaching with me or book a free discovery call.
